Saturday, February 05, 2011

I Heard the Wedding Bells on Christmas Day

On December 25th, 2010, Erma married the love of her life, Ambrose.  Yes, they chose Christmas Day.  No, I don't know why they did that.  All right, I do know why.  They chose it because that was the one day Erma knew for sure she would have off, due to the Christmas Exodus from Army Basic Training.  Luckily for all of us, she was home for about 2 weeks, so we got to spend time with her, and she and Ambrose had a bit of a honeymoon, too.  Jethro was here, too, which was also nice.  Lampshade spent a lot of time here at the house, having left his wife (again, for the umpteenth bajillionth time), and of course, Saige and Mr. Clean were here, too, which meant that for the first time in a long time, I had all 4 kids plus a surplus kid under the same roof.

Look at their faces!  I don't know what either boy is doing here with their mouths, but I think Jethro might have been planning a takeover of the world.  

Anyway, I know many of you have already seen the wedding photos, but some of you (Hi, Dad!) might not have seen them, since you aren't on Facebook.  If you have seen these, well, you can see them again.  Yeah. That's the way it is in this journal.

Some of my photos are on an SD card that is nowhere to be found.  At least, I can't find it.  Oooh, wait. Maybe.. just maybe... it's in a place I haven't checked yet.  You think?!?  Anyway, I have some great pictures, and when I find that card, I'll post some of them.

I found it!  It was in my purse.  What a logical place for that card to be. Knowing me, I'd imagined the card was in the freezer, or perhaps in a bathroom cabinet or maybe in a DVD case.  It's so hard to tell with me.

So, on to the wedding of the century!  Or, er, the day... maybe the wedding of the hour?  No, it was a really nice wedding.

The weather, on the other hand, was frightful, and we didn't have a fire that was so delightful anywhere near us.

Loading the trunk with some big old white dress Erma insisted on wearing.

Mr. Clean and Jethro solemnly contemplate the snow covered street, while Erma looks at the car door in consternation.  Saige, on the other hand, is doing something weird with her mouth. I think it's some sort of genetic aberration with my kids.

Look.  The bride has to clean the snow off her car while Mr. Clean checks out the street more closely, Saige laughs at her big sister, Jethro glowers, and I take pictures.

Here Jethro does the dance known as "The Ice Walk" He shows real talent by doing this dance with a soda bottle in one hand, the other hand in his pocket, and while doing something weird with his mouth.

(This is completely off subject, but some idiot is trying to drive up the alley. It's already snow and ice packed, and we had a couple more inches this morning.  I swear, watching people try to get up that alley in the winter is more fun than, well, it's more fun than watching paint dry. And it's more fun than eating Pop Tarts in the rain, too.)

Back to the wedding day.  We all piled into the car, and headed out to the secret location the groom and his family chose for the ceremony.  Paparazzi and all that, you know.  Off to Lovington we went!

I never was any good at keeping secrets.

The drive long and dare I say, BORING.  Yes, I dared. Yes, it was boring.  Some of us spent the time driving the car.

Others spent the time smirking at their mothers.

Oh, she has my purse. Hmmm.  Maybe that's why she's smirking...

Some of us tried to take naps.

Some of us listened to music on our Ipods, shutting out the rest of the vehicle occupants.

We arrived at the location safely.

Someone's pants are falling down.  I think that booty might belong to Dr. Lampshade.  He doesn't actually sag his jeans ala gangsta.  He's just too skinny and his jeans are too big. (Dang, I wish I could say that about myself!  Well, I could, but I'd be lying if I did.)

I called this a lumberjack wedding.  You'll know why in a minute.  

Erma watches me suspiciously, while Agnes smiles in the mirror, unaware that she, too, is going to be in this picture.  Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha! Ha.

One of the co-bridesmaids, Macrame, stands next to Erma.  Macrame looks really tall, but Erma is only 3 foot 6 . I'm lying.  Macrame is very tall, and Erma is really about 5'7 or so.

I'm pretty sure Macrame is admiring herself in the mirror, while that blank look on Erma's face is common with brides.

The co-bridesmaids. Think they are bored?

Justice, doing something weird with her mouth.  And she's not a blood relative!  Huh. Does she remind anyone else of Redd Foxx in his role on Sanford and Son, when he'd have a fake heart attack whenever someone irritated him? Maybe it's just me.  

Hope, Macrame's oldest daughter and big sister to Justice, Mr. Clean and Jethro.

"Hold me, too!!  Me, too!! Jethro! Pick me up, too! PUH-LEASE??"

See? The meeting of the lumberjacks!  I think Jethro is looking at Macrame's legs here.  I could be wrong.

"Mmmmm!  I like iced tea!  Hey. is this kid picking her nose??"

Jethro gives Justice a drink of his tea.  Yes, it seems like he's holding her in most of the photos.  However, this child is a snuggle bug, and she was going from lap to lap.

Here Justice and Jethro talk to Edward, Agnes' husband.

From left right we have a girl in a prom dress, the co-bridesmaids in matching dresses, Erma in that big old white dress, Ambrose's back, and Ambrose grandfather, who performed the ceremony.

The girl in the prom dress is actually Ambrose's younger sister. Here she inspects her plastic flowers for bees, while Saige hides behind Macrame and Erma.

Confused and thinking he's in some Texas bar, Jethro prepares to do a line dance.

I do not know what drugs Lampshade was on.  I do love how all the guys are standing fairly formally here.  All the guys, except for Mr. Clean, who looks, how shall I put this? Relaxed.  He seems relaxed.

The bridesmaids, Macrame, Jethro, and Saige, all gave speeches where they used one word primarily through the entire speech. Saige's word was "wonderstruck."  Mr. Clean, bored and hungry, chews his nails and wonders when the food will be ready.  No, I didn't make you look like a fat ass, Mr. Clean. I'm being amusing!

Macrame's word was "fabulous."  I think Jethro is checking out her hind end here!  Bad Jethro.

Jethro directs an imaginary orchestra as he uses his word "dictation" in his speech.

"What was my word again?  Darn, I wish this fake wine weren't fake!"

 "You put your right foot in, you put your right foot out..."

Erma was whispering sweet nothings in Ambrose's ear during this dance.  She was saying, "Let me know when you're ready for me to dip you, baby."

This sign cracked me up.  Know why?  It's nailed into the walls!  BAH HA!

Yes.  That WOULD be an open flame you see there.

"WHAT?  It's just punch, Mom!"

This photo cracks me up.  Jethro looks like he's wondering why the heck he's a bridesmaid, Macrame has an itchy neck, Erma looks like she's attacking Saige with her bosom, Saige doesn't like that, Ambrose's sister is bored and tired, Justice wants to leave, and Faith is tired of holding the basket.

The wedding party.  Lumberjacks and all.

Erma wore formal shoes and socks.

The groom and the groomsmen. Lamp, Mr. Clean, Ambrose, a short guy, and a tall guy.

Mr. and Mrs. Howeveryouspelltheirlastname 

Awww.  The first dance. By then, everyone had gone home.  

Or not.  I guess we were just giving them some space for their dance.  We all know how clumsy Erma is.

Speaking of Erma, she should be home within a month or so.  Even though it's not her fault she's being medically removed from the Army, I still reserve the right to make fun of her for the rest of my life, and maybe even for the rest of hers, too, if we're allowed to make fun of people while we're in heaven.  Probably not...

And that's it. Go in peace, be warm and filled.  

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